playing banjo

yo guys
guitar is out
banjo is in.
I dont wanna hear you walking around the quad playing your stupid bob marley and neutral milk hotel covers on your acou-y anymore. (seriously though. stfu)

its banjo time. So break out that ....what, 4 and a half string? and get to finger pickin'

do yo thing sufjan

whether its just you and your friends in your williamsburg appt. or your just chilling on the front stoop. play that folk-ish music. play it proud

banjo to heavy and or difficult for ya? try a mandolin or ukulele
the best part about this stupid trend. is that im enjoying the hell out of it.

this guys got the right idea

ironic shirts

why would you want to wear a shirt that said Hollister when you could look wayy more hip and totally ironic with a shirt that you paid 5 dollars for that says "worlds best grandpa"?
Or if text really isnt your thing, a 90's style nature scene isn't a bad choice either,
come on! deers and wolves always look great on your chest.
or--
if you really wanna take it
that one
step

further.....
if you dont get the reference (which is shocking)
go check out this video and then mosey on over here

Music You Don't know

To be truely cooler than everyone, you have to listen to the most elite pretentious music that none of your peers have ever listened to - nor enjoyed. This is one aspect of being hip that is going to take some time- or not?
It's called Filter. This lovely website,magazine, and i think they are getting a tv show on mtv?? have taken it upon themselves to be your number one stop in music ratings. For instance they just gave Kanye's new album a 10/10. Filter has RARELY if EVER given out a perfect score, so you already know without listening to the album that kanye's new album is going to be great. So you can go ahead and tell everyone you know that it is.

if you wanna know what these cool guys think is good music . go ahead to here

oh and heres some weird "good music"


OR (here's where it gets tricky) do just the opposite, be so against the grain, your against the people who are against the grain. perhaps "kanye's new album is completely overrated, i have no idea what pitchfork was thinking!"

Great job! you sound knowledgeable and cool.

Glasses

if you dont need glasses. stop wearing them.
i dont want to see your dads reading glasses from the 90's with the lenses punched out on your face. You look absurd, because everyone can tell that you don't need them. You cant just show up one day with insane glasses on and expect everyone to think that you magically just realized you need the most intense prescription ever

Whats up hip kitty

Look guys. we cant ALL look like Buddy Holly. its just going to get too confusing.

American Apparel

Why is it that american apparel is popular. Selling simple clothing isn't anything new. This store definitely started off by selling simple clothes that are "made in america"- but hipsters don't really care about their clothes being made in american, look at converse shoes, those certainly arn't, yet people wear em' all the time!

There is a cycle in play.
1)At first it was that some really cool kids from soho probably walked into this store that had a couple things they liked and noticed how easy it was to steal them. Since they were poor- they did.

2)Those cool kids get there pictures in some trendy magazines, wearing these somewhat plain BUT DISTINGUISHABLE clothes

3) then the rich white kids from the suburbs see these trendy kids ask their parents for money to buy this now over-priced "staple wardrobe items!!"

thus the company stays in business... but not for long.

whoops bankrupt!

Art Shit

You go to art school, so you already know. - Hipsters love art shit.
They think they're really talented at whatever, OR they sometimes pretend like their all modest, but thats the hipster attitude of "idontgiveafuck" (which is something completely different and will follow up with a post soon.) But deep down, they think they are the next fucking Dylan, Warhol, Etc.
Usually these kids are swarming more towards the music scene, you know the, play guitar all night long in the quad so everyone can hear how good i am, type.
There's also the writers/poets, (shit they don't even have to rhyme anymore, just need a thesaurus and some bright eyes lyrics)
OH and one of MY favorites , grafitti. Thanks so much for writing something completely illedgible on the side of this brick, i am truely inspired by your work.

However, more recently,(much to my dismay) there has been a huge spike in idiots who think they are good at photography. Andd good new for you aspiring hipsters who havent picked your "art" of choice yet, it has become a piece-of-cake to be "good at photography" you simply need A)The newest model of bottom-of-the-line Digital Single Reflex Camera (the 1 w/ the SuPer co0l big l3nse$ && junk!!) B) your macbook C)Picnik or some equally crappy photo editing program. TADA!!! you are an artist.

So you edit in that "Polaroid" boarder to your photo and turn up the contrast!
A job well done.

Apple Products

We all know by this point that you are probably a middle class white kid even though you pretend not to be. But you also want to be so cool that everyone around notices you and wants to be your friend- cuz your soo cool. You need something that says, look how high-tech and in-the-know i am. This my friend is where apple comes into play.



Yeah sure you can rationalize it all you want, "oh i like it because its better for running all these artsy programs i need". But you know that more than half of the appeal of the products is just the clean, white color that suggests that you paid out the ass for it.
Look at all the kids who work at apple stores. they have the thick rimmed glasses and tight pants.
so raise your iphones, macbooks, and ipads high, because lets face it- you love to show it off.

Mustaches

To be fair, its mustaches AND beards...but come on, this one is just TOO EASY


What is it about making out with sandpaper that hip ladies are so attracted to?
Does it look manly?-because when it comes to manly, hipsters are definitely on the bottom of the list. If you want manly, you should be checking out the southern cowboys and army men, not someone who lives in a mostly gay community that rides around on a fixed gear wearing girl-tight pants.

But anyways, If you are around the west village area in NYC than you may have stumbled across the gem that is the artwork being displayed at the chelsea market. Check it out below, or just by walking through the market hallway

Chelsea Market Beard Display

I'd also like to credit 

http://hipstergirlsinmustaches.blogspot.com/

for making a collection of stupid mustaches exponentially more tangible.

last time i checked women with beards and mustaches looked something like this

but now,thanks to hipsters, a once "circus freak" can be accepted into the hippest clubs.

and now, a mustache montage.

your welcome.

Flannel

While waiting for a band to start playing at the local venue on campus last night, me and a friend noticed something shocking. 7 out of the probably.. 14 people we could see. that is 50% of the people standing around me were in-fact in the hipster uniform.

Look I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I don't wear flannel, but come on? do people really have to wear it every day of their life? I feel like I'm living in the 90s again. (i swear, if they bring back middle parts on men i am going to gouge my eyes out)

I particularly enjoyed walking into the library the other day to discover a professor wearing shirt that included 3 different flannel prints on it. 3!!

please guys, get a new shirt... or a sweater??

Is it because these people are going for a weird homeless man/lumberjack look?
If so, i can't believe that these would be fashion inspiration in 2010.

Fixed Gear Bikes

Hipsters are like the hippies of this generation (except with less moral integrity) It's well known that the hippies vehicle of choice is the VW van - usually decked out with tye-dye flowers etc. Similarly the hipsters have chosen their main mode of transportation which makes for easy sightings.
The fixed gear bike.

urban outfitters solidified this by putting them in their catalog (allowing each hipster to "personalize" the the bike with different colors, making them feel like they are different and stand out from the others). This has allowed the newborn hipsters access to these crappy bikes if they would perfer shell out a bunch of cash rather than go to a few yard sales. build your own over priced bike here!!!!!

For the less manly girls, there is a dilemma. If they were to own and ride a fixed gear, their flowy skirts would ride up , or their would look completely ridiculous hunched over on their way to their local used book store. Because of this, there has also been an uprising of the cruiser bikes, most notably, with baskets. This allows them to still conform to this stupid fad while looking cute carrying their moleskins and pressed flowers in their basket.. thank god.

PBR

Part of being a low class, probably college level, hipster is that you need to appear like you have no money, thus your look of absolute chaos is rationalized, no, thusly made awesome. No one wants to see someone young and deffinetly affluent kid whose parents are paying for his higher education dressing this way, so the hipsters "play the part" of being a close relative to the hobo. This is where PBR comes into play.

Fine, for all of you actually poor college students who think "but no! i just think its the best of the worst!", maybe so. But this disgusting piss-water drink is just another notch in a hipsters belt of cool.

they hold their brews with such arrogance pride that people from yards away can tell the brand of cool ass beer they are drinking.

Cats

Where is a better place to begin than with something that is a undoubtedly the least flawed, love-of-all-hipster's-lives.


i mean check out Hipster Kitty ?!

Cats are the definition of hip; they have a mostly snooty, or perhaps an aloof quality about them. If you ask me their entire attitude simply seems apathetic. They don't care what time of day or night it is or if your trying to get laid, cats want what they want when they want it. (reminiscent of most middle to upper class teens?) Bros hipsters know that they can relate to an animal that is just as lethargic and un-motivated to help socioty in anyway as they are. And sure dogs are popular, but come on. are they really hip?

vs.

come on dog, your clearly looking directly at the camera and just trying to hard in general.
please be more apathetic. now.

I mean most hipsters will admit that cats aren't the only animal they a weird "omfg i love ____ so fuckin much"  obsession with (deer, wolves, etc), but I'm pretty sure they are the only animal actually around hipsters for long enough to be considered the #1 hipster pet.